Joke I found funny...

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white exec
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Re: Joke I found funny...

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Chris
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Re: Joke I found funny...

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Re: Joke I found funny...

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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by mickthemaverick »

A sailor popped his head round the barber's door "How much is a crew cut?" he asked. "Three quid " replied the barber.
The sailor turned round "Come on lads!!!"
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by white exec »

This struct a certain chord here...
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Chris
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by mickthemaverick »

Don't get that Chris, she is the dishwasher!!
I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure!
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Re: Joke I found funny...

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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by Gibbo2286 »

The boss "Where were you yesterday?"

The employee, "Sorry boss the wife got burned."

The boss "Oh sorry to hear that, is it bad?"

The employee, "Well they don't mess about down at that crematorium."

:shock:
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by white exec »

Gibbo - not maybe the best choice of day for that one, given today's news.
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by Gibbo2286 »

white exec wrote: 27 Apr 2021, 18:39 Gibbo - not maybe the best choice of day for that one, given today's news.
I've got a lifetime's collection of them in my head and they just pop up randomly and get posted, sorry if it offends.
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by mickthemaverick »

An 85 year old couple go to see the GP and explain they are having difficulties in the bedroom. "What seems to be the problem?" asks the doc
"Well" replies the old feller "I just don't seem to have the stamina any more"

The doc sits back wondering what to say and eventually leans forward and says "Well how often does this bother you?"
Spoiler: show
"Three times last night and then again this morning!!"
I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure!
I used to ride on two wheels, but now I need all four!
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by Hell Razor5543 »

Devon and Cornwall had planned to hold a joint music festival, but they could not decide which band to put on first;
Spoiler: show
"The Jam" or "Cream"
Last edited by Hell Razor5543 on 25 May 2021, 21:11, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by Peter.N. »

:-D
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by Karata »

A waitress at a diner gives a man his check.
As he gets up to leave, he puts down the amount for the check plus three cents for the tip.
The waitress notices this and approaches him before he leaves.
- You know, - the waitress said - I can tell a lot about a person by each of the coins that are left.
- Okay, - the man replied - what do these pennies tell you about me?
- Well, this first one tells me that you are very thrifty.
- Hmm. Yes, that's true. Go on...
- This second one tells me that you are not married.
- Yes, that's true too.
- And this last one tells me that your mother wasn't married either.
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by Steve Walsh »

At the Pearly Gates in Heaven
The first applicant of the day at the Pearly Gates explains that his last day was not a good one...
“I came home early and found my wife lying naked in bed. She claimed she had just got out of the shower. Well, her hair was dry and I checked the shower and it was completely dry too. I knew she was into some hanky-panky and I began to look for her lover. I went onto the balcony of our 9th-floor apartment and found the guy clinging to the rail by his fingertips!
I was so angry that I began bashing his fingers with a flower pot. He let go and fell, but his fall was broken by some awnings and bushes. On seeing he was still alive I found superhuman strength to drag our antique cedar chest to the balcony and throw it over. It hit the man and killed him. At this point the stress got to me and I suffered a massive heart attack and died.”
Saint Peter thanked him for his story and sent him on to the waiting room.
The second applicant said that his last day was his worst.
“I was on the roof of an apartment-building working on the AC equipment and I stumbled over my tools and toppled off the building. I managed to grab onto the balcony rail of a 9th-floor apartment but some idiot came rushing out on the balcony and bashed my hands with a flower pot. I fell but hit some awnings and bushes and survived, but as I looked up I saw a huge chest falling toward me. I tried to crawl out of the way but failed and was hit and killed by the chest!”
Saint Peter couldn’t help but chuckle as he directs the man to the waiting room. Saint Peter is still chuckling when his third customer of the day enters.
He apologises and says, “I doubt that your last day was as interesting as the two fellows that arrived here just before you.”
“I don’t know,” replies the man
Spoiler: show
“Picture this, I’m naked, hiding in this cedar chest…
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