Joke I found funny...

[Huskyxantia]

I can picture that in my head

[myglaren]

[Steve Walsh]

Got an email yesterday telling me how to read maps backwards.
Turns out it was just spam.

[CitroJim]

Got an email yesterday telling me how to read maps backwards.
Turns out it was just spam.

I'm very skilled in reading them upside-down... Very valuable when living down-under

[Stickyfinger]

what are/is a Wads ?

[MattBLancs]

If you think that your TV spying on your viewing habits, your fridge recording your food preferences and your microwave spying on you are really bad, just remember that your vacuum cleaner has been gathering dirt on you for years!

Follows you about the place, taking it all in!

"butter wouldn't melt" - my arse!

[MattBLancs]

what are/is a Wads ?

Needs Jim's skills to confirm, but would it not be "sdaW"

[PaulC5]

For the Henry vacs you can get a screw on blanking cap for when the hose is removed. It saves you spilling its contents in the boot of a car when it tips over as a I found out.

[myglaren]

[Stickyfinger]

When you play country music backwards your dog comes back to life, your wife comes back, you gain a house, your pickup gets fixed and get a job.

[Hell Razor5543]

I have recently found a full list of the Knights of the Round Table, including all of the lesser known knights;

The knight who was afraid to fight: Sir Render
The knight who nobody believed: Sir Real
The knight who was too big to sit at at The Round Table: Sir Round
The knight who designed The Round Table: Sir Cumference
The knight who gathered intelligence: Sir Veillance
The knight who was never killed: Sir Vivor
The knight who exceeded all expectations: Sir Passed
The knight who showed up without warning: Sir Prize
The knight who overcame all obstacles: Sir Mount
The knight who funded the Kingdom: Sir Tax
The knight who kept all the maps up-to-date: Sir Veyor
The knight who always drank too much: Sir Rhosis
The knight who stood in for the King: Sir Rogate
The knight who stood out from the rest: Sir Perb
The knight who had a frail ego: Sir Amic
The knight who performed in three rings: Sir Cus
The knight who was always upset: Sir Rowful
The knight who was never needed: Sir Perfluous
The knight who was always dancing: Sir Prance Alot
The knight who had enough to go round: Sir Plus
The knight who is always calm: Sir Enity

[Stickyfinger]

A kid hears a word on a playground...

And doesn't know what it means. He goes up to his teacher and says "Miss, I heard this word but I'm not sure what it means."

"Well, what was the word?" She asks.

"Raspberry."

The teacher is shocked that the student would say such a thing. "That kind of language is not acceptable. Go to the principal's office right now."

So the kid goes into the principal's office. The principal asks the kid, "I heard you got in trouble for saying something on the playground. Can you tell me what exactly happened?"

"Well, I heard someone use a word on the playground and I didn't know what it meant so I asked my teacher what it was and she told me to see you."

The principal, curious what the word was, asks the kid what it was he said.

"Raspberry."

The principal frowns at the boy. "Well, I am going to need to suspend you for talking like that."

Since he was suspended, the child walks home and waits for his mother to arrive. When she gets home, she inquires about why he was suspended.

"Well, I heard someone use a word on the playground and I didn't know what it meant so I asked my teacher what it was and she told me to see the principal, and he suspended me for saying it."

"That seems a bit drastic. What was the word, son?"

"Raspberry."

"Oh dear," says the mother. "Go to your room. When your father gets home he is going to deal with you."

The kid heads to his room and waits for his father. Thirty minutes later, his dad enters the room. "Now what's going on?" He asks.

"Well, I heard someone use a word on the playground and I didn't know what it meant so I asked my teacher what it was and she told me to see the principal, and he suspended me for saying it. I told mom and she sent me to my room and told me you would deal with me."

"Yes, your mother did seem quite upset with you. But you know how women are. They tend to overreact. What was the word, anyway?"

"Raspberry."

The father's face turns red. "That's it! No child of mine would talk like that! Leave my house this instant!"

The kid leaves and a cop sees him wandering the streets. "It's a bit late for a young kid like yourself to be out. Why are you here so late?"


"Well, I heard someone use a word on the playground and I didn't know what it meant so I asked my teacher what it was and she told me to see the principal, and he suspended me for saying it. I told mom and she sent me to my room and told me that dad would deal with me. He kicked me out for saying it."

"What was the word?"

"Raspberry."

On go the cuffs and the kid is in the back seat of the police car. When the time for his trial comes, the judge asks the kid for his side of the story.

"Well, I heard someone use a word on the playground and I didn't know what it meant so I asked my teacher what it was and she told me to see the principal, and he suspended me for saying it. I told mom and she sent me to my room and told me that dad would deal with me. He kicked me out for saying it. I was found by a cop wandering the streets and when I told him, he arrested me."

"I see. Now, what was the word in question?"

"Raspberry, your honor," the kid answers.

The judge brings the gavel down. "Guilty! The plaintiff is subject to 30 years hard labor."

Thirty years later, the kid, now a man, is released from his sentence. A curious businessman passing by as he walks out asks what he was in for.

"Well, I heard someone use a word on the playground and I didn't know what it meant so I asked my teacher what it was and she told me to see the principal, and he suspended me for saying it. I told mom and she sent me to my room and told me that dad would deal with me. He kicked me out for saying it. I was found by a cop wandering the streets and when I told him, he arrested me. The judge convicted me for thirty years of hard labor."

"Wow! That's quite a sentence. Would you mind telling me what the word was that did you in thirty years ago?"

"Raspberry."

Upon hearing that, the businessman throws a blow at the offender. He's knocked out. Several hours later, when he comes to with a pounding headache. He heads to the doctor across the street.

Bam! The man is hit by a bus as he crosses.





And the moral of this is to look both ways before crossing the street.

[Hell Razor5543]

A biologist has tried to splice the DNA of a cheetah with that of a crab. Things went sideways very quickly!

[MattBLancs]

A biologist has tried to splice the DNA of a cheetah with that of a crab. Things went sideways very quickly!

Puts me in mind of the sheep crossed with a kangaroo

Spoiler: show

get ready to groan...

Spoiler: show

thought to be honest if you don't already know I'd be very surprised

Spoiler: show

they got a woolly jumper, obviously!

[mickthemaverick]

Or the cheetah they crossed with a lamb?

Spoiler: show

Got the perfect gamboler !!