Joke I found funny...

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Karata
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by Karata »

My wife asked me this: "What's short, bald and tries to enter places it doesn't belong?"
Yeah, I know, I went with my d1ck first too, but apparently this was just another Putin joke.
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Re: Joke I found funny...

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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by mickthemaverick »

The Devil proposed a cricket match between Heaven and Hell.
"It wouldn't be fair," replied St Peter, "we have all the cricketers!"
"Aah indeed," responded the Devil, "but we have all the umpires!"
I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure!
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eBay

Post by Karata »

Got home from work today to find my kids have been on eBay all day.
If they’re still there tomorrow I’ll lower the price.
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by Steve Walsh »

Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?"
Little Johnny's hand goes up like a shot.
Reluctantly she asks " how many Johnny?"
Johnny:"seven"
Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Six."
Teacher: "Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven!"
Teacher: "Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!"
Spoiler: show
Johnny: "Because I've already got a cat!"
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Re: Joke I found funny...

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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by mickthemaverick »

Every bachelor's dream:
BFTW
BFTW
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by myglaren »

Don't forget!
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by Hell Razor5543 »

Already done my clocks/watches. The phones and computers will sort it out themselves.
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by Armidillo »

Clocks on the East coast of Australia don't change (back to "normal" time) until next weekend. Makes calculating the difference between your timezone & ours tricky - 3 different options in the space of about 8 days!
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by Gibbo2286 »

Armidillo wrote: 27 Mar 2022, 02:29 Clocks on the East coast of Australia don't change (back to "normal" time) until next weekend. Makes calculating the difference between your timezone & ours tricky - 3 different options in the space of about 8 days!
Out there visiting my brother and at lunchtime we were right on the NSW/QL border, went for lunch and found we'd missed it, wrong side of the border. :)
Man is, by nature, a lazy beast, he does not need twice encouraging to do nothing.
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by mickthemaverick »

BFTW
BFTW
I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure!
I used to ride on two wheels, but now I need all four!
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by mickthemaverick »

Two 90 year old men, Mike and Joe, have been friends all of their lives.

When it's clear that Joe is dying, Mike visits him every day. One day Mike says, "Joe, we both loved rugby all our lives and we played rugby on Saturdays together for so many years. Please do me one favour, when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's rugby there."

Joe looks up at Mike from his death bed,"Mike, you've been my best friend for many years. If it's at all possible, I'll do this favour for you."

Shortly after that, Joe passes on.

At midnight a couple of nights later, Mike is awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to him, "Mike--Mike."

"Who is it?" asks Mike sitting up suddenly. "Who is it?"

"Mike--it's me, Joe."

"You're not Joe. Joe just died."

"I'm telling you, it's me, Joe," insists the voice.

"Joe! Where are you?"

"In heaven", replies Joe. "I have some really good news and a little bad news."

"Tell me the good news first," says Mike.

"The good news," Joe says," is that there's rugby in heaven. Better yet, all of our old friends who died before us are here, too.
Better than that, we're all young again. Better still, it's always spring time and it never rains or snows and best of all, we can play rugby all we want and we never get tired."

"That's fantastic," says Mike. "It's beyond my wildest dreams! So what's the bad news?"
Spoiler: show
"You're in the team for this Saturday."
I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure!
I used to ride on two wheels, but now I need all four!
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by admiral51 »

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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by Hell Razor5543 »

Steve Walsh wrote: 17 Mar 2022, 10:36 Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?"
Little Johnny's hand goes up like a shot.
Reluctantly she asks " how many Johnny?"
Johnny:"seven"
Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Six."
Teacher: "Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven!"
Teacher: "Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!"
Spoiler: show
Johnny: "Because I've already got a cat!"
Meanwhile, Mary has her hand up all through this. Teacher turns to her and asks "Would you have six cats after I gave you two cats, another two cats, and another two cats, Mary?". "No", says Mary, "I would have no cats, Miss". Exasperated, Teacher asks Mary "Why would you have no cats, Mary?".
Spoiler: show
To which Mary replies "Because I am allergic to cats, Miss".
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