Joke I found funny...

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Hell Razor5543
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by Hell Razor5543 »

myglaren wrote: 09 Aug 2021, 20:57 Image
This reminds me of a couple of incidents I saw at supermarkets. At the first one I was next to the 'express' checkout (it said "Ten items or less", and I had more than that), and there was a 'lady' in the 'express' queue with a full trolley. The checkout operative had told her that "This is the express checkout" to get the response "I am in a hurry". The operative refused to scan any of her items, and called the manager over; the manager took the side of their staff member. The 'lady' complained, and the manager closed the checkout (taking all of the customers who understood what the 'express' checkout was for to a closed checkout and opened it for them), and (because the 'lady' said she was going to complain to the head office) photographed the scene.

At the second one there was another person with a full trolley at an express checkout. The operative smiled sweetly at this person and asked "Which 10 items do you want to buy", and when the reply came back "I want to buy everything" was clearly told that this was the express checkout, stop wasting everybody's time and use a normal checkout (again, when management were called they took the side of their staff).
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by bobins »

Surely they could just put their first 10 items down, put the 'Next Customer' marker down on the conveyor belt, then put the next 10 items down. 2 transactions, but only 10 items per transaction. Simples. 8-[
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by myglaren »

How many transactions are a dozen eggs?
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by Hell Razor5543 »

A frog hops into an employment agency and asks if they had any vacancies. The guy is a bit surprised, but asks the frog to fill out an application form and will see what he could do. The frogs gets on with the form (surprising the guy even more), and then he remembers something, and gets on the phone. As the frog finishes off the form the guy says "I may have an interview for you". "Blimey, that was quick", responds the frog, "Where?". "Chipperfield Circus is in town, and the ringmaster wants to meet you."
Spoiler: show
"Bl00dy hell", says the frog, "what use would they have for a qualified plumber?".
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by myglaren »

Discussion on aircon in cars:
What's it going to run on when everything goes electric?
I'm sure some clever person can work out how to make a cooling system that uses electrickery, and then, thank god, hotel rooms and offices will no longer need diesel engines in them to run the aircon.
Hell Razor5543
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by Hell Razor5543 »

Isn't wild bird seed wonderful? I spread a couple of handfuls in the garden this morning, and within 15 minutes there were loads of birds in the area!
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by Hell Razor5543 »

My cousin just challenged me to come up with a joke using the name of a particular yogurt maker, and I came up with one in a few seconds. Not a great joke, but it works;

I tried to finish off a large tub of yogurt, but I had to give up half way through. I was conquered by Onken!
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by myglaren »

1629834149884.png
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by Steve Walsh »

It was the inventor of the dishwasher’s funeral today. The coffin was lowered into the ground only to be taken out by his wife and put back in properly.
Thanx to Marc and all the admins & knowledgeable people that make this the best forum on the interweb. =D> =D> =D>
Hell Razor5543
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by Hell Razor5543 »

The Times wishes it to be known that their greatest crossword compiler (who, at the request of the family, shall remain anonymous) was buried today, 6 down, 3 across.
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by mickthemaverick »

A window cleaner in the county of Kent was buried today too. Apparently he climbed up to a bedroom window quite early one morning, was startled by the sight on view and slid down his ladder and kicked the bucket!
I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure!
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Hell Razor5543
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by Hell Razor5543 »

An acolyte was lighting the candles on a high chandelier, slipped on some spilt candle wax, and snuffed it.
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by Paul-R »

What's the difference between Bing Crosby and Walt Disney?

Bing sings and Walt disnae.

I'll get my coat...
As I get older I think a lot about the hereafter - I go into a room and then wonder what I'm here after.

Inside every old person is a young person wondering what the hell happened.

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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by Gibbo2286 »

Quasimodo in the bell tower mis-times it and the bell hits him in the face and propels him to the street below, a crowd gather, someone asks who is he? a bystander says "I don't know but his face rings a bell.
Man is, by nature, a lazy beast, he does not need twice encouraging to do nothing.
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by mickthemaverick »

The vicar walked into the belfry and found the verger with the bell rope tied round his ****, so he tolled him off!!
I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure!
I used to ride on two wheels, but now I need all four!
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