Joke I found funny...

[mickthemaverick]

Depends what browser and search engine you are using

[myglaren]

It is fairly subtle but at the same time unmissable.

[myglaren]

A man walks into a pub, orders a pint of beer and drinks it, he turns round and says you people on the left are all stupid and you people on the right are all idiots, then walks out.
The next evening he does the exact same thing. A little guy sitting with his mates says if he does that again,I'm going to say something.
The following evening,the man orders a beer and drinks it, he turns around and once again says, you people on the left are are all stupid.
The little guy sitting with his mates says, hey wait a minute, I'm not stupid and the man says, in that case get over there with the idiots and walks out.

[myglaren]

[Hell Razor5543]

A teacher at a primary school decided to teach her pupils to use adult words instead of 'baby' words. One Monday she asks her pupils what they did over the weekend. "What did you do, Jenny?". "We went to see Nana.", Jenny replied. "No, you went to see your Grandmother" the teacher replies. "What did you do, Bob?". "We went on a choo-choo", says Bob. "No, you went on a train" says the teacher. "And what did you do, John?". John replies "I read a book". "And what was the book?" asks the teacher". John thought for a few moments, and replied

Spoiler: show

"Winnie the Sh1t!"

[myglaren]

[MattBLancs]

A man walks into a pub, orders a pint of beer and drinks it, he turns round and says you people on the left are all stupid and you people on the right are all idiots, then walks out.
The next evening he does the exact same thing. A little guy sitting with his mates says if he does that again,I'm going to say something.
The following evening,the man orders a beer and drinks it, he turns around and once again says, you people on the left are are all stupid.
The little guy sitting with his mates says, hey wait a minute, I'm not stupid and the man says, in that case get over there with the idiots and walks out.

Thought it was a Steelers Wheel song being composed for a minute there!

Spoiler: show

Sorry, clowns not stupid and jokers not idiots

[myglaren]

[Hell Razor5543]

A man walks into the ER of his local hospital. The triage nurse asks "What did you do to your fingers?". The patient responds with "You know those chefs who can cut up vegetables really, REALLY fast?". "Yes", replies the nurse.

Spoiler: show

The patient says "Well, I can't do that."

[Hell Razor5543]

I was walking past an ink production plant earlier, when there was a loud crash and a shout of "Look out!". Unfortunately I got drenched in what turns out to be invisible ink. I am now in hospital, waiting to be seen.

[Hell Razor5543]

Jesus, Moses and an elderly man are playing a round of golf. At one hole there is a large water hazard. Moses tees off, and it is obvious the ball is heading to the water hazard. Moses raises his blub, the waters part, and the ball makes it onto the green. Jesus tees off, and again the ball is heading to the water hazard. Jesus waves a hand, the ball bounces off the water, and ends up within a couple of feet of the hole. Finally the elderly man tees off. Like the others, the ball heads towards the water hazard. As it is about to hit a fish comes to the surface and catches the ball in its' mouth. Just as it goes back into the depths an Osprey swoops in and catches the fish. As it flies away, over the green, a bolt of lightning sizzles past the Osprey, frightening it so much it drops the fish. The fish lands on the green, within a few inches of the hole. As it hits, the ball pops out of its mouth and rolls into the hole.

Jesus turns to Moses and says

Spoiler: show

"I said it would be a bad idea to play Dad at a round of golf!".

[Hell Razor5543]

At a criminal trial in a small US town the prosecuting attorney asks the elderly witness "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?". Mrs. Jones replies. "Yes, Mr. Williams, I know you. I have known you since you were a small boy. You cheated at school, bullied other children, cheated your way through law school, and you overcharge your clients. Oh, yes, Mr. Williams, I do know you". Not knowing what else to say, he then asks her "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defence attorney?". Mrs. Jones responds "Oh, yes, I do know Mr. Bradley. He was a sneak at school, telling lies about the other pupils to get them in trouble. He is chauvinistic, and has cheated on his wife with three other women, one of whom was your own wife, Mr. Williams. I do know Mr. Bradley.".

There is silence in the courtroom, until the judge calls both attorneys to him.

Spoiler: show

In a very quiet voice he says "If either of you idiots ask Mrs. Jones if she knows me I will send you both to the electric chair.".

[Steve Walsh]

When Ralph first noticed that his penis was growing larger and staying erect longer, he was delighted, as was his wife.
But after several weeks, his penis had grown to nearly twenty inches.
Ralph became quite concerned. He was having problems dressing, and even walking. So he and his wife went to see a prominent urologist.
After an initial examination, the doctor explained to the couple that, though rare, Ralph's condition could be fixed through corrective surgery.
"How long will Ralph be on crutches?" the wife asked anxiously.
"Crutches? Why would he need crutches?" responded the surprised doctor.

Spoiler: show

"Well," said the wife coldly, "you're gonna lengthen his legs, aren't you?

[Karata]

An Afghanistan diplomat visiting the US for the first time was being wined and dined by the State Department.
The diplomat was not used to the salt in American foods (French fries, cheeses, salami, anchovies, etc.) and was constantly sending his manservant Abdul to fetch him a glass of water.
Time and again, Abdul would scamper off and return with a glass of water, but then came the time when he returned empty handed. "Abdul, you son of an ugly camel, where is my water?" demanded the diplomat.
"A thousand pardons, O Illustrious One," stammered the wretched Abdul, "But a man is sitting on the well!"